Golly gee, I love people on the road during the holidays. They are all so thoughtful and....
UGH!
Story #1:
This happened on Monday.
I had to go to the post office to mail a package. A woman pulls in just ahead of me. And Stops. She just stops her car in the very centre of the entrance so that no cars can get in or out. I rolled my eyes.
Then she got out of her car. Awesome!! Hey lady? You do know that you're not in a parking space and are preventing the flow of traffic, right? She jets over to the mailbox and dumps some things in. I figure she's only going to be a second, so I bite my lip and refrain from laying on the horn.
She gets in her car and moves up. I pull in and pull slightly to the right to the parking spot that was Right! There! It was a great spot.
As she's whipping around the leave, she turns and fixes me with this awful Death Glare and.... wait for it.... flips me the bird!!!
Because... I actually have no idea.
I hope flipping off some random stranger in the parking lot gave her the inner peace and Christmas joy she was apparently looking for.
Merry Christmas, lady.
Story #2:
This happened yesterday afternoon.
I was waiting to make a left-turn. Traffic was moving slowly as it almost always does at this intersection, regardless of the time of year. Right on my bumper was a great big pickup truck. All of a sudden, an opening approached for my left turn. But I had to wait for a big yellow school bus to go through the intersection. He was barrelling down much faster than the speed limit.
The driver behind me suddenly laid on his horn and gestured for me to turn.
Please note: Big yellow school bus.
I drive a little car.
He was in a big car.
There was no way he did not see the school bus.
The light turned yellow. I did not turn. I looked at the distance from the bus to the lights and I knew he wasn't going to stop. Sure enough, the bus driver gassed it and ran the yellow. I turned as soon as he was clear.
The driver pulled up beside me and started screaming obscenities.
Merry Christmas, buddy.
Sorry I didn't let myself get t-boned by a bus driver. I'd rather make it home safely to my daughter.
Happy New Year, too.
Story #3:
Last night.
What is with the crazies on the road???
I'm driving down a dark hill. There is traffic. The guy two cars in front of me is missing a headlight and is driving about 5km under the speed limit, as there are many deer in the area. I keep a comfortable stopping distance. I rear-ended someone once on this stretch of road and don't wish to repeat the experience.
The guy behind me is so close on my bumper, I can practically see up his nose in my rear-view mirror. He starts flashing his high beams at me. Because.... I can go where, exactly?
The guy two cars up randomly brakes a bit. Possibly because the guy in front of me (behind him) is also following a little too close. So I brake. So buddy behind me lays on his horn. Hard.
Merry Christmas, buddy. Sorry I didn't play bumper cars with the guy in front of me for your convenience.
When we got to the bottom of the hill, the guy two cars up turned into a little mechanic shop. Glad he made it there safely.
So to all you drivers out there, stay safe. Be courteous.
And have a happy Christmas.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Formula for a Fender Bender
Today, this one was mine.
Drive in the rain with bad tires. Begin to slow down as you approach the lights. Realize your car is losing traction and you aren't slowing. Slam on the brakes in panic so the brakes lock up. Once the brakes lock up, you can now no longer steer your car. Watch in horror and panic as the rear bumper of the car in front of you approaches.
Thank God you are now only travelling 5km/h.
If you must do this, be sure to hit a very kind old man who will look at his rear bumper, declare there to be no damage, express his concern for your wellbeing, be generally very kind to you, and send you on your way after stating there to be no need to collect insurance information.
Get back in your car, cry a little, and pray that man has his kindness returned to him tenfold.
Be eternally grateful that both you and your small child are okay.
Drive in the rain with bad tires. Begin to slow down as you approach the lights. Realize your car is losing traction and you aren't slowing. Slam on the brakes in panic so the brakes lock up. Once the brakes lock up, you can now no longer steer your car. Watch in horror and panic as the rear bumper of the car in front of you approaches.
Thank God you are now only travelling 5km/h.
If you must do this, be sure to hit a very kind old man who will look at his rear bumper, declare there to be no damage, express his concern for your wellbeing, be generally very kind to you, and send you on your way after stating there to be no need to collect insurance information.
Get back in your car, cry a little, and pray that man has his kindness returned to him tenfold.
Be eternally grateful that both you and your small child are okay.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
An Open Letter to a Moron in a Parking Lot
Dear Sir,
I apologize for honking my horn at you. Clearly it ruined your day. However, I would like to take a moment to explain my reason to you. You see, you were backing out of a parking spot into oncoming traffic. I was that oncoming traffic and you might have hit me had I not stopped.
My act of stopping while you continued your foolish act of backing up into oncoming traffic was not permission for you to continue being stupid, but was instead an act of self-preservation. The honking of my car horn was merely to inform you that there were cars behind you and you ought to have waited before backing up.
Getting out of your car in all of a huff to demand what the [redacted] was my problem was absolutely unnecessary. To put it succintly, my problem was you and the fact that you ought not to have backed into oncoming traffic - namely, me!
I am not sure what you thought you might accomplish by screaming obscenities at a young mother with a baby in the car. Did you expect me to get out of my car? I'm not that foolish. You, however, are a great big meanie.
I hope the rest of your day was better.
Sincerely,
A Polite Driver Who Only Uses Her Horn For Self-Preservation
P.S. Thank you, Mr. Big Intimidating Guy for walking toward us. You didn't even have to open your mouth. The mere two or three steps you took in our direction promptly ended the "confrontation".
I apologize for honking my horn at you. Clearly it ruined your day. However, I would like to take a moment to explain my reason to you. You see, you were backing out of a parking spot into oncoming traffic. I was that oncoming traffic and you might have hit me had I not stopped.
My act of stopping while you continued your foolish act of backing up into oncoming traffic was not permission for you to continue being stupid, but was instead an act of self-preservation. The honking of my car horn was merely to inform you that there were cars behind you and you ought to have waited before backing up.
Getting out of your car in all of a huff to demand what the [redacted] was my problem was absolutely unnecessary. To put it succintly, my problem was you and the fact that you ought not to have backed into oncoming traffic - namely, me!
I am not sure what you thought you might accomplish by screaming obscenities at a young mother with a baby in the car. Did you expect me to get out of my car? I'm not that foolish. You, however, are a great big meanie.
I hope the rest of your day was better.
Sincerely,
A Polite Driver Who Only Uses Her Horn For Self-Preservation
P.S. Thank you, Mr. Big Intimidating Guy for walking toward us. You didn't even have to open your mouth. The mere two or three steps you took in our direction promptly ended the "confrontation".
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